I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

Over the past few months i have realised quite a few things.... important things in my life that i have royaly fucked up over and over again. again this os a post full of thoughts and ideas and heartache... my life is full of it and if you choose not to read on you're probably smarter than i am but this is whats been happening.

as most of you who read this will know my parents went away for 3 months recently and have only just gotten back last week... in this time i was a busy, confused and sad little girl trying to survive paycheck to paycheck. I went out most nights trying to distract myself from what was actually happening... my heart was breaking, slowly and painfully. shattering and splintering into my thoughts constantly making me cry in the privacy that i had made myself in my home.
Why you might ask? what have you got to be sad about? I'm not sure if you remember me talking about my (now ex) boyfriend Andrew? or Doomsayer? well i have i'm sure of it. I realised that i loved this boy with all my heart and soul and as corny and cleche as that might be it's true... it's the kind of love where it hurts your heart to think about them, it actually hurts like an ache or a strain, the kind where they're always on your mind... constantly. the kind where everything reminds you of something you've lost. every smell, every song, every part of your life or house or friends or... you get the point. i was in love and i threw it away all becuase of my fucking stupid brain overruling my feelings. but thats a long and annoying story.
during these months i tryed to regain contct with Andrew... writing letters, calling him a few times ect... trying to explain somethings that i felt (and feel) i need to explain. i wrote letter after letter wording and rewording my love and asking him to call me just so we could talk... none of thses letters were sent... I called him about 2 weeks ago now... after waiting for a month for him to call me and although i seem stupid for persuing this with him not even caring but the circumstances are alot more complicated than i'd like to explan to you... so don't ask me why.. just read. I called him... asked weather he was going to do anything about the letter i had given him? he said he was going to but now that he had the time he would explain... what did he have to explain??? well it was simply that he never wated to speak to me again... he never wanted to see me or even know i existed... he had moved on, apparently. i don't beleive it although i respect it and wont keep hassling him... i just cryed... balled my eyes out... i wanted to die and this is not like me... i don't cry often, i don't scream ever i am not that girl.. i'm "one of the boys" and boys don't cry... so from then to now i have been dealing with the fact that i screwed everrything i have ever wanted up.... it hurts and i'm not dealing well... So thats whats been happening in my life since we last spoke and i hope somene has advice for me becuase i'm so fucking lost i don't know what to do...

Sleshie

Wow, it's been a long time... lets see whats been happening in the world of sleshie...
Well my folks are still away... another month to go, and I'v been quite a busy girl. I broke up with "boyfriend" a while back... about 3 weeks to a month and am still in my downward spiral of bullshit. as you all know my parents left me with only $200 for 3 months and were meant to pay the bills before they left so i wouldnt have to deal with emence emounts of money i don't have... well, lets just say they "forgot" and now i have over $2000 of bills that needed to be payed yesterday. so my electricity/gas/phone will most likly be cut off sometime soon. and there is no way to get onto my parents to get them to give me the money to pay... to top that off my dog, the most beautiful, yappy, fluff ball you have ever met Died yesterday. he wasn't even at home... he was staying at his Mums house, with some of my mums friends and apprently he started having seasures and lost control of his back legs. they took him to the Vet and he had a brain tumor... they had to put him down but although that makes me sad, they put him down without calling me fisrt, without informing me until they had already done it... I think thats just plain illeagal seeing as he's not their dog for one and they had no right... i'm not saying i wouldn't have put him down myself but it's the fact that they didn't call me first to get my permission. so i'm having the worst week of my life and thats about all thats happened... bad things.
Quick update i'll tell you all mosr later i have to go.

Throw a lasso around my tiny lil heart cowboy!

well well well, it's been a while since I posted hasn't it.... well not compared to Millwood’s standards or even Surly's but for me it's a long time. I think we should have a chat, don’t you... catch up on things. *Nods*

Well... I’ll start and go back shall I??

Today: My "boyfriend" is going to Sydney to see my ex boyfriends band play at METALSTOCK without me... granted I can't afford to go and would most likely be Ultra jealous over my ex issues but the fact that my now boyfriend is going up to Sydney with my ex... as well as going up there to see this girl, who he met a few years ago, and she fell in love with him, although she's married and has a kid and is perfectly happy, but still wants to fuck my boyfriend kind of scares me... although I really don't think I’d care if he did. Is that weird? But yeah I’m missing out on METALSTOCK and I’m bummed....

Yesterday: woke up around 12ish by a call from "boyfriend" asking if I wanted to go to lunch at the Irish? Of course I said yes... who passes up Guinness at 12:30 in the afternoon!!!! Not me! I arrive at Knox and walk to the Irish, all the way through Knox because stupid me parked on the other side!!!! Anyway I get there and sit down and “boyfriend” tells me he’s bought me stuff… hands it over, it’s a cuteish bunny (as I AM the Easter bunny I see no point in buying me one but it’s the thought that counts) and then he leaves… strange me thinks. I go home to have a shower and change before going out to trivia (yes I went to a trivia night and it was awesome!) then I went home.

Day before yesterday: didn’t do much during the day but… at about 4:00ish I arrived at my friend Brodies house waited for about 45 mins for Nikki & Burt to show up then went on our way to………………SUICIDE GIRLS! It was RAD! We got to Brunswick st. at about 6ish. Wandered around and then ate. Doors opened at 8… we lined up… went right to the front… the first band WAILED! The chick could scream…. The second band…. Well let’s just describe them shall we.
BURNARD FANNING LOOK ALIKES every fucking one of them! And can we say movement… there was none… you would at least think that they would move something other than their arms but no…. no moving BORING but by the 4th or 5th song a chick poked her head through the curtain and started dancing so it made it all better till the end of their set.
Now at 10:45 SUICIDE GIRLS started…. Raigen was first… with a “magic trick” where she unzipped her top and showed he boobies!! It was RAD! Then came Missy Suicide then all the others… they’re not that important… but the most awesome thing was NESSA. She’s hot… she’s Goth… she has dreads… and she licked me! During her show… she was wearing tourniquets and a corset, she was dancing away, everyone screaming etc. and she comes right up to me, whips the tourniquet around my neck, pulls me close and…. Licks my face! I was in shock! It was the most awesome…most Rad thing ever!!!!!
After that I couldn’t speak… all I could do was scream! By the time they finished it was about 12:30 the finale consisted on Whipped cream, Glitter and Silly string being sprayed all over the first 5 rows… as well as Vodka, beer and wine… I left covered in shit smiling my ass off and horny as hell!
It was the best fun I have ever had!!!!! not to mention i was ALMOST (apart from the girls)
one of the hottest chicks there... i'll explain later But I really have to go now… we’ll talk about you next time.
BYEE!

They're gone!

My folks have left... i am officially alone and I LOVE IT! there shall be a blogger party soon... when i get myself settled in enough.
although they are fucking stupid people... you know how you'd normally go away, and leave your child some money (if you had children)... enough to get them through the 3 months without you... well mine gave me WAIT FOR IT!!!! $200... for 3 months... I'm going to starve... i do get paid by centrewhore but fortnightly pays of $200 dosn't give me enough money to buy food and pay the bills! so i'm fucked and i need a job URGENTLY if anyone could help me out i will do anything.... anywhere...anytime! i need the cash!

It hurts

I would just like to say,

It hurts so fucking much, my heart... I'm really really sad!
I hate people... I hate them! well certain people... not you... just people.
WHY!!! it hurts. *cry* owies

Sleshie

Slesh's Gig Guide

On thursday 30th March Konvikted souls (a friend of mines band) are playing at RUBY'S LOUNGE... you all know it from Gun street girls posts and TKIBN.
I sugest any metal fan's come to this gig... it'll be good... u'll meet a fellow blogger and see an awesome show all in one night.
The Guys should play from about 8 onwards but I'll let you know for sure as soon as possible...
These guys are awesome and it's not heavy... It's more Rock than anything... Come and i'll personally kiss your feet... i will... really

COME! PLEASE!

A meeting with Millwood..

Today was the day of my "blind date" with Millwood...
I drove to Chadstone a litle aprhencive becuase i wasn't sure if he would show... but he did :)
we had coffee (at least he did) and the stingy bastard made me pay (jibes) I didn't mind actually i figure it's awkward enough that we're meeting up i should at least put him at ease with caffeen.
we talked of life, love, Work and fellow bloggers... I hear Surly has a gig on saturday he hasn't informed anyone about as well... and we went bowling :) I havn't done that in some time... and i didn't wear socks today so i had to wear rented bowling shoes without socks... HYGENIC!
I hope i didnt scare him with my "open" persona... i tend not to hide my faults...
but i had heaps of fun :) HEAPS! and he's not too bad on the old eyes either... hint hint...nudge nudge...wink wink and all that bullshit.
So in closing I had a RAD time, and hope to do it again sometime...

By the way I'm having a "blogger party" soon and will post the dates etc asap... please people COME! i want to meet the people who read about me :)

That is all

The deep blue...

I dyed my hair on Friday... i think it looks RAD!
Here are some pics....


I'm Grumpy! heh heh heh...


Hulk and Me! I look retarded.

I had a boo boo... no really i cut my thumb... it hurt.


ONE MILLION DOLLARS!


Well there you go folks... I have blue hair... and i look bad in photo's but at least you can recognise me if you see me walking down the street.